FUCK Inc.

Hmmm...

2007-04-14T20:45:30Z

LOL

2006-03-31T19:14:01Z

You Belong in Amsterdam

A little old fashioned, a little modern - you're the best of both worlds. And so is Amsterdam.

Whether you want to be a squatter graffiti artist or a great novelist, Amsterdam has all that you want in Europe (in one small city).

What European City Do You Belong In?

n_chan4872 @ 2006-03-25T10:49:00

2006-03-25T16:49:56Z

Your True Love Is a Gemini

Why you'll love a Gemini:

Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind.

You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations.

Why a Gemini will love you:

Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two...

You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

This made me laugh. Why? Because I always used to get Cancer, but I was actually HONEST this time! ^__^

n_chan4872 @ 2006-03-20T08:33:00

2006-03-20T14:35:38Z

It's been a while since I wrote on here...

I'm so sick, it's not funny. I've been sick since Wednesday, and today is by far the worst. I could hardly swallow my pills this morning...I'm going to the doctor again at 2, I'm hoping they can do SOMETHING...because I'm choking on phlegm now, as opposed to just having my throat hurt and swollen all the way across...

Just a little bit of a bitch fest for you all. I thought I might as well share in case I end up in the hospital or something...

n_chan4872 @ 2005-12-27T18:02:00

2005-12-28T00:03:18Z

The world is wonderful!

And no, I'm not on any drugs. At least right now. XD

n_chan4872 @ 2005-12-11T11:09:00

2005-12-11T17:10:02Z

You Are Dancer

Carefree and fun, you always find reasons to do a happy dance.

Why You're Naughty: That dark stint you had as Santa's private dancer.

Why You're Nice: You're friendly. Very friendly.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

The naughty part made me actually laugh out loud XD

n_chan4872 @ 2005-11-25T20:51:00

2005-11-26T02:51:45Z

.............................................................................................

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running through her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds, she is not at all fine.
. When a GIRL stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
. When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
. When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says I love you, she means it.

When a GIRL says "i miss you", no one in this world can miss you more than that
...............................................................................................

^ Stole that from Katy because it's true.

In other news....I spent the day at Fawn's watching chick flicks. Yes. Me and Fawn. Watching chick flicks. And commenting, because that's what we do. And coloring. Good time. Good curry. And, get this, get this, FAWN HUGGED ME GOODBYE. Yes my friends, the world may be ending. XD

Chick flicks, of course, are very unhealthy for me. But I like living in my dream, hoping for my dream. I won't write my dream, because if I do, then everyone will know, and that would be like crawling under my skin and into my soul, and I won't let you there. But I'm sure if you know me really well, if you listen to what I say, know what's in my heart, you'll know what my dream is. Christine knows. That's about it, truthfully. She's the only one I feel safe telling my whole heart to. Kevin's a man, so I can't be as positively open with him, and he wouldn't understand anyway. Men don't understand a woman's feelings and never will. Morgan doesn't talk to me much anymore. Fawn....I'm close to her, and I trust her, but I know she doesn't trust me, so I don't tell her many of my serious thoughts. And, well...Jenny's a whole different story in herself. Aimee knows some of my heart, but not as raw of feelings as Christine does, because Christine is the one who ends up in my car late at night being driven home, and late at night while I'm driving is when I pour my heart out. And Alan...well, I couldn't tell him. Because...he knows what it is, I'm sure, and I don't think he likes hearing it. Because...well, his heart is somewhere totally different.

Now, I'm okay, don't worry about me people, I'm not being depressed. I'm just...trying to come to terms with the fact that my hopes are in vain. See, when I watch chick flicks, they make me think. Yeah, stupid, I know, that movies make me think, especially fluffy ones like those....but.....I dunno, it makes me wonder if anything from a chick flick would ever come true. If there really will be a guy someday that will hold onto my hand and tell me he's not going away and actually mean it. If there'll be a guy one day who will run after me when I run away. A guy who gives a damn when I try to block him out of my life. If one day I'll have my own version of happily ever after. I mean, I know it's impossible, because bad things ALWAYS happen...but my idea of happily ever after is getting married and staying married. That's all. If I have that....not even death can truly beat me down. I know I have love, I know that I have SO MANY friends that love me....but is it wrong to, on a cold night, wish to have someone to cuddle with instead of a stuffed animal? Someone to share a blanket with other than my dog? And don't get me wrong, I am SO THANKFUL for everyone I have in my life, all the love I have....I have more than billions of people do....and I know and I appreciate that....but a selfish part of me wants someone to share the world with, you know?

I mean, haven't you ever watched a sunset alone and wished there was someone special to witness it with you? Haven't you ever sat at the table during the holidays and wished there was someone holding your hand and laughing along with you at the antics of your family? Like yesterday, my mom was preparing the turkey and decided to weigh it upstairs on the scale, so she starts walking up the stairs with the turkey in a towel, and my dad is like, "Where are you going with that turkey, Linds?" And my mom, in her "innocent" voice says, "To weigh it....I have a towel!!" Little things like that that I see and laugh at and somewhere inside of me I wish there was a special person to tell that to later on that night and giggle about it, be in my world with someone. I'm tired of being alone in my own little world....I want to share it WITH someone. I want to share my dreams and hopes and loves and all the beauty I see in the world with someone, I want someone to discuss things with, my job, the world, theories, ANYTHING....someone to talk to. Someone I can share my life with.

I used to be overly blessed, having both Morgan and Alan to share my life with....and I went from that to nothing. And I wonder to myself, on nights I think about these things, why suddenly I have no one that close anymore, and whether it's the people around me or my own fault. I know what it feels like to be blessed with two people that share your heart....two people you feel your heart connected to with invisible threads.....two people whose souls seem to just intertwine with yours....and I think to myself....why did I have to lose that? And why don't they feel this same emptiness that I feel upon losing it? Mostly I just can't understand why....if they ever felt the same way.....they would just pick up and rip themselves away from me....and whether it's them that did it, or if I did it to them. So in a sense I feel betrayed and like a betrayer of the heart and soul.

This is why I don't much like cold weather. It makes me very lonely....makes me want to curl up warm and safe, and it makes me realize how cold it really can be when you have nothing warm and safe to curl up with. Other than my blankets, pillows, and stuffed animals, that is. What my bed is filled with, trying to fend off the winter cold as well as the cold of loneliness.

This is why I shouldn't watch chick flicks, ESPECIALLY when it's cold, unless I have a big bowl of ice cream and a huge mug of hot chocolate, followed by coffee.

And I wanted to rent a movie tonight. A Lot Like Love, to be exact. Tomorrow night then, I guess. There's hardly anything better than watching a movie in the silence of the house in my own little room with no light but the TV screen, with a bunch of food and hot beverages right next to me. That is THE ONLY way to fend off loneliness. Because even when you're in a big group of people that love you....you can still feel very empty inside.

I do wish I were stronger. People say I'm strong....I know they're liars, the lot of them.

n_chan4872 @ 2005-11-11T20:28:00

2005-11-12T02:28:10Z

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.

Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.

Your flirting style: Coy

Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park

Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant

What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-30T21:17:00

2005-10-31T03:17:42Z

Just want the world to go away.

I'm so tired of it all.

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-30T15:03:00

2005-10-30T21:03:27Z

I Want To Save You
Something Corporate

standing on the edge of morning
scent of sex and new found glory
playing as she's pulling back her hair
she drives away
she's feeling worthless
used again but nothing's different
she stayed the night
but knows he doesn't care

home by three
deafening quiet
the porch light's off
yes they forgot it
she cried herself to sleep
but she don't dare
then she wants to be a model
she wants to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

dressed by dawn and out the door
no light
she memorized the floor
so she could leave without being detected
she works till three
it's uniform
she dreams that he'll come by the store
she prays for days
the boys mean she's protected
and she wants someone to see her
she needs to hear she's beautiful
she's beautiful

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you

and she won't sleep
she won't sleep
and she won't sleep
at all

i want to save you
i want to save you
i need you
save me too
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you
(let me save you)
i want to save you

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-29T21:39:00

2005-10-30T02:39:36Z

http://www.phantasyrpg.com/register.php?step=1&ref=91930

^---- Shameless plugging

Just click it. You know you want to. ^_^

HALLOWEEN PARTY!!

2005-10-29T02:33:31Z

To anyone I know that lives somewhere around me and actually has met me in person -

Having a Halloween Party tomorrow night if I can find people to come. At my house, 7 pm to 12 am or so. Girls can spend the night if they so please. If you wanna come, know a better party I can go to, or need directions to my house, either leave a message here or call my house (365-2869) or my cell (306-1424)

PS: Bring anyone you want, too!

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-24T20:18:00

2005-10-25T01:17:55Z

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Your exact opposite:
Genghis Khunt

Random Brutal Sex Master

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Stiletto, The Battleaxe, Genghis Khunt, Half-Cocked

CONSIDER: The Peach

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: n_chan4872

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-24T19:30:00

2005-10-25T00:30:51Z

Notice Me - NB Ridaz

Sometimes I think about everything that we've been through
And I pray that you would just open your eyes
I love you
And I need you
So please don't throw our love away...

Since the day you and I snuck away to be alone
I knew from that night something special went on
It must of been the first kiss, you told me that
No one else in the world made you feel this
I felt the same way too, but nothing stays the same
I'm sorry for the tears I'm sorry for the pain
You were the one that always made things right
I promise you this though you got a friend for life
Maybe one day we can try it again
And maybe things can be a little different
So let's just kiss and say good bye
Cuz I really can't stand the pain to seein' you cry..

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

All that is mine is yours thats what I said
Treat you with love and respect in every way
You wanted it I gave you, you need me I was there
Now you treat me like I'm not here
I love you I need you, don't wanna let go
If you want somebody else please let me know
Can't take it no more, I feel I'm dyin inside
Is this the price I pay for handing you my life
I know I'm not perfect but I truly cared
So if you wake up one mornin and I'm not there
Just remember I loved you, it will never be the same
Gave you everything and you threw it all away

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I gave you my good and my bad, my heart and my soul
My trust, my money, my time, what more could you ask
From a man even when times were hard I held out my arms
And held you and even accepted you through whatever weather
But now I feel we're at the end of the road
Whatever we had now I gotta let go nights like this
I wish rain drops would fall to cover my tears
Wishing I could replace all those wasted years of loving someone
Who couldn't love me back and now again
I gotta start from scratch but I know
I've given you my everything

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

I've given everything
I loved you endlessly
But when it comes to me
You don't even notice me

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-24T16:44:00

2005-10-24T21:44:57Z

It's cold, wet, and rainy outside.

I hate when it's cold, wet, and rainy.

But the upside?

HOT CHOCOLATE!! WHOOOO!!!

Until tomorrow when I have to go to work, and it'll still probably be yucky. Ah well.

I still need to email Drew....I should do that soon....

And Sean wasn't in school today. *sob* I miss him....

<3

Raindrops on roses and warm woolen mittens...

2005-10-23T04:04:48Z

I'm totally finished with four of the eight articles.

I think I'm pretty much written out for the night. I don't think I can handle writing anymore at the moment. I could take a break...but it's already like 10:31, so perhaps I should just go to bed, hm? Even though I have Holly's special STRONGER THAN MOM'S coffee running through me. But I don't think it'll keep me up. And if it does? I'll play the Sims 2...all night long. Even though I REALLY should just finish these damn articles...but I REALLY don't feel like it. Come on, 4 1/2 hours of homework is enough to make ANYONE want to scream. Especially when said 4 1/2 hours of homework consisted of wracking my poor writer's blocked mind. Oh my muse, my dear lovely muse, where could you be?

Maybe I'll draw. I'll doodle. Make myself a new muse.

I wish I actually COULD draw. But eh, whatever.

In other news - WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYONE TONIGHT? It's like no one is around. I keep going on Xanga and it's like no one exists. Crazyness, that. Craziness? How the hell do you spell that?

I still want to get enough courage to ask the Szymoniak sisters if Eric has a girlfriend. Cuz I'm cool like that. I think he does. But eh, a girl can amuse herself by stalking someone, can she not? I like stalking people.

Er, I mean, NO, I don't STALK people. SILLY GOOSES! XD ^_^;;;;;

And I still need to write to Drew. Damn it all.

I should go to bed. I'm tired. I'm babbling. My face is oily. I want to scratch my skin off because it feels gross. Anyone else ever have that feeling?

You know what I just realized? Haven't heard from Katy in awhile. I hope she's okay.

And I can't wait to see Sean on Monday. I'm going to like attack him with love.

I should make cookies tomorrow. You know, after I finish this project. HA!

I can't believe I said "silly gooses" above. I feel like a fag, and I'm a girl. Go figure.

I totally freaked myself out earlier, cuz I was alone in the house and was reading my scary book and I was all like jumping at shadows and stuff. Ended up turning on SHINE FM. Gotta love it.

I want to like scrape my face skin off. Ugh. DAMN SEBACEOUS GLANDS! DAMN PUBERTY! DAMN TETOSTERONE!! DAMN YOU TO HELL, SEBACEOUS GLANDS, OVERACTIVE SEBACEOUS GLANDS!!

I'm such a nerd. *hangs head*

You know what I miss? Hanging with the Szymoniaks. No, don't kill me. Honestly, I always had so much fun. I still do. And it's an almost INNOCENT kind of fun. I freaking love having characters that I choose to "be" and having Fawn as my "daughter" and having her talk about her mommy and daddy doing this *hand motions* If you know Fawn, you know what I'm talking about. If you don't know her? I feel sorry for you, she's funny as hell and I love her. If only she allowed hugs. ; . ;

I still want a Father's Day card. I still have the one from like a bajillion years ago. Yeah, yeah, I'm regressing, shut up. That was a nice part of my life, okay? Without the whole complicated Hillary crap. When it was just all of us having fun and being stupid and making stupid jokes that only we understood. With no drugs, where taking a sip of sake from the bottle under the sink was totally the worst we did, where sex didn't control everything (which was a very short time, but that was the best time), where you can sit and drool at a guy that's freaking drawn and animated, where you pretended you knew how to speak Japanese and you totally messed it up becase you really didn't, where you had so much fun just wrestling with people, laughing your ass off, making up stories, making up stupid ridiculous stories that made no sense to anyone but you and your friends. Where you would be totally shunned at school because everyone thought anime consisted of only Pokemon, and Pokemon was for losers and babies, and you told them that no, it wasn't, and you read manga in school and you watched anime on the weekends and picked characters for yourself, where you stayed up all night making stupid home videos that are still probably the funniest damn things in the world....where you knew that they loved and accepted you, where you had REAL friends, where they would never dream of stabbing you in the back...where you knew they weren't hating you behind you back until you fucked up and got on the wrong side, and suddenly all that fun was gone and it all hurt...you know, the times before the hurt, before the shunning, before the angry words and angry stupid spontaneous acts of violence because you were too much of a pussy to just say what you were thinking.

Times when things were easier, I guess. Not that that was very long for me. I mean, hell, I totally lost that whole innocent fun thing in 7th grade. Which is sad. I guess I didn't let myself have as long of a childhood as I would have liked, tried to grow up and have a WAY too complicated messed up relationship before I should have. It makes me sad, how kids don't have childhoods these days. Everyone grows up way too fast, you know? I wish that that wasn't how society worked. It's like society is corrupting the world. *sigh* But it's nice thinking of the past, maybe kind of sad. But I don't really regret much, besides the obvious...and even that I don't really fully regret, because I learned SO MUCH thanks to that pain I went through....and hell, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, does it not?

And I'll always remember those sleepovers before things got all screwed up. The Beagles. Playing house. Pretending to be a dog. Loving, living, full of youth and innocence. First getting into anime. Wathing Sailor Moon. Watching Pokemon, Digimon, arguing which one was better. Long drives in the van. Hillary sleeping on my shoulder. First anime convention. How exciting it was. How cool it was to pretend to be someone else. Kareoke. Stuffed animals. Curled up on the floor because you only have one hotel room. Laying on the couch listening to music playing softly in a language you don't understand. That first night where you realize what you're feeling. Beautiful times. The pull out bed. The floor. The corner. Comfy, safe, happy, warm, until you try to talk through a hard time. But when there weren't fights...I really was happy. Giggling. Not sleeping until light starts to show in the sky and waking up a few hours later to watch Pokemon early in the morning. Listening to the furnace going on and off. Little things. Sharing secrets. Sharing dreams. Playing Barbies. Video games. Tuna Helper. Staying up all freaking night long, jumping when you hear someone walking upstairs, then realizing it's 3 and it's just time for papers. The flea market. First drive.

So many memories are wrapped up in that place...it's just so amazing. A whole total chapter of my life was spent in that house. Crazy parties. New Years with only sparkling grape juice. Cheese curls. Lack of pop. Sitting on the floor. Rice balls getting stolen. ^_^ Strangers you don't know but find the company of intriguing. Holding the cord so she doesn't choke herself because she has a habit of vacuming with it around her neck. Helping make it smell better. Scrubbing bubbles smell in the bathroom. All sorts of memories in my head. And it's cool, because I hardly think of the bad times, I simply think of the good. And I look at them now, especially her, and it makes me so happy to see she's doing well. It makes me sad about some things that have to do with them, but all in all, I love them, you know? Fawn going against her mother to talk to me when she wasn't supposed to. Writing letters. Getting accepted again. Fitting in wonderfully at a party at a house you haven't been to in at least a year or more. Feeling that comfort of something familiar. Acceptance. Love. Beautiful.

Well now that I've spent a half hour trip down memory lane, I think I'll turn in for the night. I think I'll post this on LJ too. They deserve to read my fond memories, you know? And if the others want to shun me for this love? Let them. Just because they don't like each other doesn't mean that I don't love all of them.

I don't know what I'm going to do about my party, though. Three different groups I have now. Church/BH. Szymoniak gang. Amanda's following. And me. I'm like a separate entity from all of them, fitting in and yet not fitting perfectly with any. Because I love too much to shun anyone by allowing myself to become a part of a clique again. I did that already, many times. It's time to start loving and being my total self with EVERYONE.

No more hiding.

And I know I say that a lot...but you'll see. One day it'll all be wonderful.

<3

n_chan4872 @ 2005-10-21T22:33:00

2005-10-22T03:34:31Z

YO! FAWN AND HILLARY SZYMONIAK! YOU HAVIN' A HALLOWEEN PARTY?

Hit me back, yo.

XD

I'm such a effin' gangsta.

XD XD XD XD

n_chan4872 @ 2005-09-26T16:59:00

2005-09-26T21:59:56Z

You Are A: Lamb!

Peaceful and gentle, lambs have been used in religious imagery for millennia. Lambs are baby sheep, an animal tended by shephards since the dawn of history. As a lamb, you tend to stay together in a flock and graze on grassy land. Lambs don't mind being led and tend not to go off on their own.

You were almost a: Chipmunk or a Pony
You are least like a: Duck or a Frog What Cute Animal Are You?

n_chan4872 @ 2005-09-22T17:00:00

2005-09-22T22:00:01Z

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/film reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavour of jelly to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

n_chan4872 @ 2005-09-18T21:52:00

2005-09-19T02:52:53Z

You're hiding from pain. You hate being hurt. So
you've either tied to become emotionless, or
you've secluded yourself from people that you
don't know. The only problem is that if you
already haven't, you could develop a habbit of
hurting yourself. You have a lot of pent up
anger burning inside of you that's just waiting
to be released although you may be in denial
about it. You constantly feel like you've been
wronged. You don't like how you are and want to
improve yourself but you're very uncertain
about what direction to take in your life.

What are you hiding from?
brought to you by Quizilla

n_chan4872 @ 2005-09-18T21:43:00

2005-09-19T02:43:56Z

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

It's creepy how accurate these things are...

n_chan4872 @ 2005-09-10T15:29:00

2005-09-10T20:30:03Z

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.

You give and take equally in relationships.

You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.

You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change.

You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

n_chan4872 @ 2005-08-23T16:09:00

2005-08-23T21:14:27Z

Today was a good day (as good as the first day of school can be) - until I came home. Went to MySpace. Got a message from the evil fucker Christian chick that Alan adores where she was fucking insulting me. Went to Xanga and read his entry. Want to go read it? CrashOverRyde is the name, go read his entry and maybe you'll see why I went and did two things I swore I wasn't going to do again. Three, to tell you the truth, seeing I was drinking at my sister's the other night. And it didn't do shit. Neither did masturbating. Neither did cutting. The pain is inside. And I didn't bleed enough. But I don't know where I can make another giant ugly scar...but that's what I want, not this shallow shit. They sting, but they aren't helping in the least. What hurts the most is that last night he gave me so much hope, and I was feeling so good...and then I come today and the pit opens up under me again. And I want to bleed it all out. But it's not working.

What do you do when nothing helps anymore? When what you escaped with before doesn't help you escape now?

I need sharper scissors.

Maybe I'll use a knife.

n_chan4872 @ 2005-08-21T23:04:00

2005-08-22T04:06:00Z

I feel like a pervert.

I want to get her drunk just to see if I could somehow coax her into something.

I'm going to hell.

I'm 5 months away from being 18 and I'm lusting after a fucking 13 year old who's also a fun, awesome person and happens to be really good friends with the person I've been hanging out with all week long. I enjoy her company, but I can't help but be attracted to her. And it's pissing me off.

Damn it.

n_chan4872 @ 2005-08-10T14:47:00

2005-08-10T19:48:58Z

I don't think it's fair that a 13 year old is hotter than I am. Like, to the extreme. She's BEAUTIFUL. It's just not fair. And I'm worried for her, because she seems like a nice, fairly innocent girl, and I'm worried guys are going to take advantage of her, because she's young, she's really attractive, and she claims she's 18 on her MySpace...

Unless she's really a slut deep down inside. I don't know, I've only met her like twice.

I wish I were beautiful like her. When she grows up she's going to be a knockout. Oh, if only. I'm pretty in my own way (or so I'm told) but I also look like I'm like 14 or something, even WHEN I'm wearing my contacts.

Maybe I just find her so envious and attractive because I'm attracted to girls with dark hair and dark eyes and she fits the ultimate description of a hot girl in my book.

I wish I didn't think things like that. I'm dying of guilt, and feeling like a child molester on top of it.

And this is also kind of quasi-child-molester/stalker-ish, but here are pictures in case you think I'm crazy...

http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=21418163&friendName=Aimee&Mytoken=20050810124752

I'm a bad person. I should be shot.

I'm going to hell.